I’m no guru

I find it funny that a lot of my friends come to me for dating advice. I’m really just as lost as they are. It’s true that I’ve probably gone on more first dates than they have, but by no means am I an expert. The fact that I’m still single should be an indication to them that regardless of how many dates you’ve gone on, or how many guys you’ve talked to, there’s no way to really master the game. I’ll admit that I’ve had my fair share of fun just having casual flings not expecting anything serious. I went through a phase when I played the game that resulted in the casualties of a few broken hearts. Back then I went bouncing from one fling to another unscathed with any emotional implications. It’s not that I was promiscuous, it just felt nice to get attention and to have a sense of power in my hands for once.

It all changed when my friends started getting into serious relationships. It seemed like everyone was pairing off, and I was the third wheel awkwardly hanging around. I figured that maybe it was time for something new, something more real and stable. Then I met a guy. He was well-dressed, knowledgeable about the finer things in life, and he seemed so different from the other guys before; he was a challenge that I was willing to take on. We started talking, and texting, and sharing minute details about our days; it got to the point that in one day 500 texts were exchanged. He drove quite a distance just to visit, he wanted to hold hands in public, and he just made me feel safe-like it was okay for me to be vulnerable for a change. I never told him that I like him, but suffice it to say, he was the first guy I’ve liked in my life. Things were going well until the distance and the differences started tearing us apart. The 500 texts turned to 300, then 100, and eventually it just stopped all together. After that ordeal I regretted the amount of pride I held on to, the stubbornness not to seem clingy, and the stress that could have instead spent trying to mend things.

When we were over, I tried desperately to mask the heartache by hyper-socializing and numbing the pain with alcohol. It was an exhausting period; I didn’t have time to for myself to rest or to even think about what I went through. It was my worst academic quarter ever, I was hoping just to scrape by with a passing mark in my classes. Luckily, I pulled it together just in time to avoid being placed in academic probation. I also placed myself in ridiculous predicaments with questionable men. I was fortunate enough that my good friends intervened my downward spiral and helped me back up.

If my experience has shown me anything, its that not all guys are the same. There’s different things that make them tick. I haven’t gained much useful advantage from my past for the new direction I’m going in. There’s not much sense going for the bad guys knowing that I’ll only end up hurting myself. I have plenty of guy friends so I know  that even though I’ve gone through heartache, there’s still good guys out there and they’re probably not at clubs buying random girls drinks. I’ve figured out some things I shouldn’t do and little things not worth stressing about. A relationship isn’t a game, there aren’t rules and instructions for the people willing to participate. All I know is that when two people are meant to be together at a point in time, life has a way of making it happen.


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