I’ve been on a film binge this past week watching 8 movies in span of 7 days. Today I watched Sylvia, a film about Sylvia Plath’s relationship with her husband Ted Hughes. They had a turbulent love affair, one that propelled most of the works, one that shaped the Sylvia Plath as we know today. Prior to watching the film, I wasn’t much of a Plath fan. I found her poetry dark and dreary, it had a haunting quality that made me uncomfortable when I first encountered them. However after watching it, I revisited her poems with her background in mind. It lent a different tone to her words and it gave perspective on her poems.
In one scene, Plath’s mother mentioned a frightening kind of love. She said that Sylvia chose Ted because unlike all the men before him, he frightened her. I think she was talking about a kind of love that moves you out of complacency. The kind that scares us to be without that other person. The kind of love that makes you wonder how you ever survived without him/her. I think Sylvia fell madly in love with Ted after reading his poem. They shared a rare understanding of each other as they talked about their works.
I’ve never been in love, heck I’ve never even said “I like you” to anyone. Besides having standards about what I want, I’ve always thought that when the right person walks into my life I would know it. I’m not talking about at first sight, but more on love at first conversation. I admit that I’ve always been frightened of love and the collateral damage it causes. So scared that it’s caused me to run away just as things get serious with all of the flings I’ve had. But now that I’ve grown up quite a bit, I’m holding my ground. I’ve realized that there are worse things than a broken heart.
Love may leave scars, but those scars are indications that you’ve healed from the pain, and that have survived to live and love again. Even the pain it causes results in the creation of beautiful things like art, music, or poetry. I’ve been hurt once, but from that pain I started becoming more of an artist. Ideas flowed more through me than any time period before, I produced more art works than ever before. Words just came like a waterfall gushing to no end, words of pure and raw emotion expressing all my woes.
After that period, I am at a state of equilibrium. I’m at peace with myself, no longer terrified of love and pain. However its a dangerous time, for this sense of contentment flirts with the feeling of complacency. One day I want to be frightened again, but this time not to be frightened by love, but to miss out on it. A fling worthy of aubades and sonnets to be written about it. The kind of fling that inspires change and action. A frightening love affair that moves you to the core leaving you transformed forevermore.